40 fragments of me

I will count the 40 mislaid  fragments of me;

1. the mother I had hoped to be
2. my stories still unread
3. repeating everything I’ve said
4. to feel heard, to feel believed
5. the years lost trapped in bed
6. the oceans I once crossed
7. near death and then reprieve
8. the tides of pain I’ve bled
9. the times I cannot breathe
10. the eternal friendships lost
11. solace in poetry
12. shamed, denied dignity
13. criticism’s cost
14. labeled by disability
15. too tired to believe
16. words choked, unsaid
17. all the wasted energy, like a match girl giving away
18. the last match

I cannot count them, these broken pieces of possibility.

But they haunt me, oh, days cantering by they do,

and I am whirlwind in a storm box,

locked,

not getting through.

Antonia Sara Zenkevitch