Lost Words

losing words and dates again,

I laugh when I have trouble with a form

but part of me is frightened,

my neurology is not the norm,

never was, but this dense fog

is getting deeper;

 

first I cannot read as I lose focus,

my thoughts loop, as I infer

what I inferred before before

as thoughts have tantrums –

noisily slamming doors –

and I write these words –

these, this rebellion

in poetry,

to prove I can still write

because sometimes that goes too,

so I scribe in spite

of the dead matter

from my entrance into the world

and the oxygen deprivation

from tachycardia and low blood pressure

and the pain and exhaustion no one sees

as my joints dislocate or my lungs wheeze,

I cannot focus enough on others’ stories;

I cannot sustain consciousness to read

on these days, when I feel fear’s seed

take root in me,

and yet I know I have a capacity

to overcome and grow,

but I am scared I’ll lose my words again –

so I let the silence know.

 

Antonia Sara Zenkevitch

toys letters pay play
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

10 Comments

  1. V.J. Knutson says:

    I can so relate. Our bodies have taken command as we have but to surrender before cooperation comes, it seems.

    1. antoniazen says:

      πŸ’œπŸ’š

  2. willowdot21 says:

    One day at a time, try not to panic try to stand your ground πŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸŒΉπŸŒΉπŸ₯‚

    1. antoniazen says:

      Thank you, Willow! The problem comes and goes but has been increasing over the last weeks. Focus on reading words and sometimes organising mine, gets harder. It will ease. At least I’m proving to myself I can still write some of the time! :). Hope you are having good days? xx

      1. willowdot21 says:

        I am thank you. Send you straight thinking and speaking vibes πŸ’œπŸ’œ

      2. antoniazen says:

        glad you are having good days! Thanks πŸ™‚

      3. antoniazen says:

        πŸ™‚

  3. WOW! This is so powerful and what a gift you have for being able to express it like this. I know it is not easy to accomplish this in times like these. So wonderfully written Antonia! ❀

    1. antoniazen says:

      Many thanks! πŸ™‚

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